There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
