If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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