guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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