why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
