Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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