she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
