just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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