Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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