just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
