You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
