Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
