ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They took my balls.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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