Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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