Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
