I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
NoShamevember. You game?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
