Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
