I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
