I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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