Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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