it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
