problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
