i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
