vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
