i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
