what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
