i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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