thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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