I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
