I look better un-naked...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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