Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
