Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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