so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize