I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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