we have pet lesbian snakes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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