omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
