I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
