I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
