What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He uses pillows to masturbate.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
