Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
