remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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