I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
