No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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