just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
