Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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