idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
