i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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