Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
