My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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