Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I love black thongs
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
