i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
