i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The struggles of a small town man whore
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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