Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
