Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
