How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
