1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this beer tastes like vomit already
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
