Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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