new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
