D3 body, D1 cock
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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