Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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