For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
