sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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