hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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