why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
