Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize