So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
