I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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