I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
