Taylor Swift is so right about you.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
