Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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