I am spending my child support on dildos
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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